Fear of Failure Consume me. Though, I will live out my Calling.

Nursing School= A Complete Funk

Many people do not know this but I did not pass level one of nursing school. While all of my friends moved on to level 2, I was stuck in level 1. The worst thing about this is I did not fail Pharm or Health Assessment (the hardest classes in level 1), I failed the easiest class known to man in Nursing School. This filled my heart with anger toward the world and God.

When next semester started, I got to watch all my friends put in IVs and care for patients in the hospital. Watch them make a difference and grow into amazing nurses. Me? I sat back in the same class and wrote essays for 3 months straight. No patient interaction, No increase in my knowledge, nothing.

In Nursing School, if you do not pass a class in a certain level then you do not get to move forward. You have to stay back with a new cohort and relearn everything in that ONE class. Can you sense the anger in my writing?

For awhile, I took this as a sign that God did not want me to be a nurse. This was not the path I was suppose to walk on. Tears ran down my face because I could not see myself doing ANYTHING else other than caring for people. It was in my blood. For awhile, this made me angry at God. Then I was given a blessing, Mallory, my best friend. She kept me going. She was there for me through all my tears and my doubts. I started to believe she was getting annoyed of me because of how much I complained about life. Though, she did not give up on me.

Mallory made me pick myself up and continue on during the hardest season of my life. The best part about it, she incorporated God the whole time. She spoke truth to me every single day. She saw how hard I worked as an individual. She became the truest kind of friend I knew and this was new to me.

Toward the end of level 1, I was given confirmation that nursing is my path. I personally believe this little bump was supposing to make me see the amount of blessings I am surrounded by. I was so focused on homework and studying that I forgot to look up at what was around me.

 

The day I was on my way to drop out of nursing school, my mother called,

“Mary, you are not the type of person who gives up on anything. Do not start now.”

 

I am known for proving people wrong and my mother knew that. I accepted people doubting me with every life choice I made, it made it a challenge for me to prove them wrong. Though, this time I was letting them win. The person I was losing to was myself. I kept telling myself I was not able to do this; this was to big for me.

This tough girl inside of me can prove other people wrong but had trouble proving herself wrong. That moment, I knew I had to keep going. I had to show myself I am capable of doing this. No matter how many classes I fail, no matter how many tears I cry, I was not going to give up.

Each challenge we face in life is a new opportunity for us to grow. Grow stronger in ourselves and in our faith. This quote has opened my eyes.

“When you face difficult times, know that challenges are not sent to destroy you. They are sent to promote, increase and strengthen you”

4 months later, I passed all my classes with an A’s and starting level 2 this summer stronger than ever.

No matter what you are facing in life, getting back up and trying again will leave you more satisfied than staying down. We are all here with a purpose. If we stay down, then we are unable to grow closer to that purpose.

Get up and Make that difference.

 

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength”

Philippians 4:13

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