Everyone wants it. Some never experience it. Myself, I live for positive energy.
Growing up in a family that was filled with negativity towards life made it hard to believe in anything positive. My parents fought every other day about something new; my fathers drinking problem, the other girls who became part of my parent’s marriage, where was he at midnight, etc.
This trend of negativity started to become my daily routine. I brought negative perspective into each friendships and relationship. Looking back, I did not understand why anyone liked me. I judged everyone around me for not thinking the way I did. I threaten ex- boyfriends on how they must spoil me before I would leave them for someone “better”. I’ve gotten in fights because I did not like the way a girl would look at me. Talking about it disgusts me. Though, I did not know any better. I was raise in a family that was consumed of toxins. To me, this was how everyone acted in the real world.
Once I left high school, I got myself into trouble with the law that potentially could have ruined my future. It wasn’t until my next relationship I realized I had to change before I would lose it all. These negative thoughts gotten me in trouble with the law, alcohol, and my family. My own mother, the most important person to me, did not trust me anymore. At age 18, I was a young girl who been through all sorts of pain. I did not know who I was as a person… Then God showed up.
God, a spirit that no one could see with their eyes but with their heart.
The former romantic relationship ended in pain and hurt but also in hope. I started to experience this desire to find hope in something, anything. That is when God showed up. He released me from my idols, my judgments, and every other chain I was carrying. For the first time in my 19 years, I felt free. A new leaf in my life was about to take place.
That tired, broken, negative girl started to find herself in things out of her comfort zone. She bought a ticket to Oregon and was off to a new adventure. An adventure with God guiding her every step on this beautiful path called life.
Today, that girl has traveled to more places, spoke multiple languages, and made new friends across the globe in less than 2 years.
At age 21, I can officially say I have healed from the past. Traveling has taught me things schools would never be able to teach. God has shown me the good in every broken soul. The unconditional love we all have the willing to spread. I, Mary Kozar, have found the woman I was destined to be. I found my positive energy.
“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” Jeremiah 31:3